Kudos to Cheerios. They have a commercial with a mixed family. Unlike a few folks across the U.S., they don't make a big deal out of it. They did a nice job of making sure that we hear the little girl call the White woman mom before pouring a box of Cheerios on her Black dad's chest.
The first time I saw it, I wondered if I understood the situation correctly. Surprising, considering my household looked almost exactly like the one in the commercial for a few years. The second time, I was like, "Cool. And during prime time!"
Mixed couples are not an anomaly. Children of interracial couples are more common than children of gay families. Strangely, on TV, there are a couple shows that have gay parents but, as far as I know, none that have a black parent and a white parent. Nice to see this version of the new normal.
Mixed Kid Problems
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Mixed kids’ problems are first-world problems. They aren’t
things like “no access to fresh water” or “school is 20 miles away and the bus
broke down.” I’m just saying, as a group, we may have our gripes but, in the
grand scheme, it could be worse. That said, here's a few, starting from the top:
- One or both of your parents has no idea what to do with your hair. Everyone knows it’s not right, but no one knows how to fix it.
- Hats - thanks to our hair, hats are often not our friend. Curls are great, except when they've been mashed down. And, if you're a girl with short curly hair, you will be called a boy when wearing a hat. Trust me, I know.
- You don’t look like you belong to your father. Out in public, people ask, “Are you ok?” and “Is that strange man (a.k.a. your dad) bothering you?”
- You don’t look like you belong to your mom. After seeing her, the other kids tease you about being adopted or wonder “Is that your babysitter?”
- Wrinkles…maybe? Most brown-skinned people have thicker skin that wrinkles less. Mixed kids, no matter what their complexion, aren’t guaranteed that anti-wrinkle power.
- Mixed = Caramel complexion, light eyes or wavy hair (or all of the above). Except we’re not all made that way. Mass disappointment (see bullet 8).
- Lingering looks that lead to the question, “What are you?” or “Where are you from?” and “But where are your parents from?”
- Mass exposure to racism. Being racially ambiguous means you’re more likely to hear it all.
- Disappointing your blind dates. I blame Halle Berry, Lolo Jones, Lenny Kravitz and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for setting the bar too high!
If these are the biggest problems you face in life, count yourself lucky. Surviving
being mixed doesn't have to be hard. Simply hope you aren’t tender-headed while your parents
work out their beautician skills. Fight the right battles and try to let everything
else roll off your back. Avoid society’s beauty stereotypes and figure out what’s
good about you. And, when preparing for a blind date, tell them you’re mixed,
you know... like Malcolm Gladwell.
The Tragic Mulatto Must Die
One of the old stereotypes about people who are biracial is the "tragic mulatto," a person who doesn't fit in because he or she isn't White but isn't really Black. Millions of people who claim to be mixed are living well-balanced lives. Isn't it time for us to declare the tragic mulatto dead?
And yet, the stereotype was recently perpetuated by someone I've called a friend. Ignoring all that she knows about me, this woman told a stranger that the reason why he didn't know me in college is because I'm half black and half white, so I didn't know which way to go.
In my book, being accused of being confused about who I am is just slightly better than being called a sellout and much worse than being mistaken for a race/ethnicity that I'm not. What made the accusation shockingly hateful is that she knows better AND is almost the same complexion as I. And did I mention that the man she said this too is also light skinned?
So, imagine, three very light-skinned Black people standing around and one of them basically points her finger at another and says, "You're different, you don't belong, you have to prove yourself to us." It's ridiculous. Would she challenge our President, who is boldly biracial and happens to be darker than she is, with a similarly cruel statement? What about Frederick Douglas?
I won't honor her comment by detailing how Black I was in college or am now. I will say that it's hard enough when non-Blacks make racist statements to or around me - they think it's ok because I'm light. It's not. But it really cut me to the quick to have a friend and fellow light-skinned African-American put me into that tired old, tragic mulatto box. It was tragically thoughtless in the eyes of this not-tragic (and never mulatto) chick.
And yet, the stereotype was recently perpetuated by someone I've called a friend. Ignoring all that she knows about me, this woman told a stranger that the reason why he didn't know me in college is because I'm half black and half white, so I didn't know which way to go.
In my book, being accused of being confused about who I am is just slightly better than being called a sellout and much worse than being mistaken for a race/ethnicity that I'm not. What made the accusation shockingly hateful is that she knows better AND is almost the same complexion as I. And did I mention that the man she said this too is also light skinned?
So, imagine, three very light-skinned Black people standing around and one of them basically points her finger at another and says, "You're different, you don't belong, you have to prove yourself to us." It's ridiculous. Would she challenge our President, who is boldly biracial and happens to be darker than she is, with a similarly cruel statement? What about Frederick Douglas?
I won't honor her comment by detailing how Black I was in college or am now. I will say that it's hard enough when non-Blacks make racist statements to or around me - they think it's ok because I'm light. It's not. But it really cut me to the quick to have a friend and fellow light-skinned African-American put me into that tired old, tragic mulatto box. It was tragically thoughtless in the eyes of this not-tragic (and never mulatto) chick.
Traits of a Mixed Person: Linguistic Ninja
I was recently asked what the traits of a mixed person are. I think what the guy meant was, is there a stereotypical mixed look, style or way of carrying oneself. I couldn't think of anything that's standard issue "Mixed." Our hair runs the gamut, skin color covers the rainbow, and any part of us may reflect one parent's lineage or the other.
Except, I think that many mixed people have the makings of linguistic ninjas. Depending on who raised you and your socio-economic background, many mixed people have learned how to reflect the people around them in the way they talk. An op-ed piece on Barack Obama in the International Herald Tribune on September 10 reflected my thoughts on this.
The gist of the article is this: Barack Obama is flexible in his speaking style. Sometimes he sounds more typically African American while other times he is more racially neutral. The article also points out that Obama says he quickly picked up on the language and customs when in Indonesia, knows a bit of Spanish and a little Hawaiian Creole. Yes, the man is well educated and has proven intelligence, but this kind of linguistic agility and speed may be rooted in something else - having to blend in with different ways of speaking from a very early age.
And he's not alone. A mixed friend of mine, Lisa, speaks English, a bit of Black slang, French and enough Spanish to travel alone in Spain. Another mixed friend, Jeff, is the same - except his fourth language is music instead of French. Personally, I would say I speak American English blended with Black slang and British terms (from living abroad). But when I travel, I either pick up the local accent - my Scottish accent used to make my ex-husband so delightfully frustrated - or the language (if it's a Romance language). For this I thank being comfortable as a kid in Minnesota with my White family and Colorado with my Black family and feeling at home ever since, as I travel the world.
Except, I think that many mixed people have the makings of linguistic ninjas. Depending on who raised you and your socio-economic background, many mixed people have learned how to reflect the people around them in the way they talk. An op-ed piece on Barack Obama in the International Herald Tribune on September 10 reflected my thoughts on this.
The gist of the article is this: Barack Obama is flexible in his speaking style. Sometimes he sounds more typically African American while other times he is more racially neutral. The article also points out that Obama says he quickly picked up on the language and customs when in Indonesia, knows a bit of Spanish and a little Hawaiian Creole. Yes, the man is well educated and has proven intelligence, but this kind of linguistic agility and speed may be rooted in something else - having to blend in with different ways of speaking from a very early age.
And he's not alone. A mixed friend of mine, Lisa, speaks English, a bit of Black slang, French and enough Spanish to travel alone in Spain. Another mixed friend, Jeff, is the same - except his fourth language is music instead of French. Personally, I would say I speak American English blended with Black slang and British terms (from living abroad). But when I travel, I either pick up the local accent - my Scottish accent used to make my ex-husband so delightfully frustrated - or the language (if it's a Romance language). For this I thank being comfortable as a kid in Minnesota with my White family and Colorado with my Black family and feeling at home ever since, as I travel the world.
Interracial dating
One of the by-products of being mixed, for me, is that I don't have a good sense of what topics are off limits. For example, the question and possible answers below might not be comfortable (but they might be, I'm honestly unsure). But I've been wondering, so I thought I'd ask...
Why have most of the Black men I know dated non-Black women but almost none of the White men I know have dated non-White women?
Possible answers:
A: It's easier for Whites to find other White people with similar values, so there's no need to diversify. In essence, where one lives and works provides White people with enough options, they don't have to go on dating sites and say they are open to dating anyone.
B: It's less acceptable to date outside the race for White men. There's no historical precedent, no one died for their right to do it and maybe they feel like they have a duty to continue the White race. Dating Latinas or Black women is taking romance to strange new places and messes up the biological imperative.
C: The myths about Black men (big @#$%s) make them more appealing to other races than the myths about White guys (no rhythm) so they get more opportunities to mingle.
D: There's more status to be gained for a Black man when he dates a White or Asian woman than there is for a White man if he dates a non-White woman.
E: Black women are scary, Asian women tend to stick to their own and Latinas are sexy but not marriage material.
F: Other?
Just some thoughts as I wrap up my Tuesday. xo
Why have most of the Black men I know dated non-Black women but almost none of the White men I know have dated non-White women?
Possible answers:
A: It's easier for Whites to find other White people with similar values, so there's no need to diversify. In essence, where one lives and works provides White people with enough options, they don't have to go on dating sites and say they are open to dating anyone.
B: It's less acceptable to date outside the race for White men. There's no historical precedent, no one died for their right to do it and maybe they feel like they have a duty to continue the White race. Dating Latinas or Black women is taking romance to strange new places and messes up the biological imperative.
C: The myths about Black men (big @#$%s) make them more appealing to other races than the myths about White guys (no rhythm) so they get more opportunities to mingle.
D: There's more status to be gained for a Black man when he dates a White or Asian woman than there is for a White man if he dates a non-White woman.
E: Black women are scary, Asian women tend to stick to their own and Latinas are sexy but not marriage material.
F: Other?
Just some thoughts as I wrap up my Tuesday. xo
High School Outsider
I remember feeling like an outsider when I was in elementary, junior and senior high school. There just weren't other mixed girls like me - raised Jewish, tons of freckles, a nose that was black from the front and white from the side. I made the most of it - had my own style that was complimented and pursued and won the heart of the captain of the football team of the local all-boy prep school.
At the same time, I never wondered if other people felt like outsiders. Of course, as an adult, I know that most teens feel different but today I got a sharp reminder from a former classmate who had scoliosis. Here's her blog, about getting the back brace that she wore for most of high school. Having a pity party for yourself, read this: http://mycellblock.blogspot.com/.
At the same time, I never wondered if other people felt like outsiders. Of course, as an adult, I know that most teens feel different but today I got a sharp reminder from a former classmate who had scoliosis. Here's her blog, about getting the back brace that she wore for most of high school. Having a pity party for yourself, read this: http://mycellblock.blogspot.com/.
What Not to Say to Biracial Person
I'm not gonna get preachy, but there are a few things one should think twice about before saying them to a mixed a person:
"Mixed babies are so cute." We're not pandas and therefore we're not uniformly adorable. I mean, have you seen Malcolm Gladwell's hair?! (Nothing against MG; his brain makes up for the bad 'fro)
"My cousin married a (insert minority here) and their kids are mixed." This is second only to "I love gay people...my best friend is gay" when it comes to statements that don't prove you're open minded.
"Which parent is which?" Why is this interesting? And what will the children of my friends Natalie and Greg say to this question considering both Natalie and Greg are hapa?
"You aren't really (insert minority here)." Really? What am I? I'd love for you to tell me more about myself.
"People don't know you're (insert minority here)." Yes, they do. How do I know they don't think I'm white? Because you JUST asked me, "What are you?"
You get the idea. If you would be surprised if I said it to you, about you, please don't say it to me (even if you mean it in the nicest way.
"Mixed babies are so cute." We're not pandas and therefore we're not uniformly adorable. I mean, have you seen Malcolm Gladwell's hair?! (Nothing against MG; his brain makes up for the bad 'fro)
"My cousin married a (insert minority here) and their kids are mixed." This is second only to "I love gay people...my best friend is gay" when it comes to statements that don't prove you're open minded.
"Which parent is which?" Why is this interesting? And what will the children of my friends Natalie and Greg say to this question considering both Natalie and Greg are hapa?
"You aren't really (insert minority here)." Really? What am I? I'd love for you to tell me more about myself.
"People don't know you're (insert minority here)." Yes, they do. How do I know they don't think I'm white? Because you JUST asked me, "What are you?"
You get the idea. If you would be surprised if I said it to you, about you, please don't say it to me (even if you mean it in the nicest way.
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