Mixed Kid Problems

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Mixed kids’ problems are first-world problems. They aren’t things like “no access to fresh water” or “school is 20 miles away and the bus broke down.” I’m just saying, as a group, we may have our gripes but, in the grand scheme, it could be worse. That said, here's a few, starting from the top:

1. One or both of your parents has no idea what to do with your hair. Everyone knows it’s not right, but no one knows how to fix it.
2. Hats - thanks to our hair, hats are often not our friend. Curls are great, except when they've been mashed down. And, if you're a girl with short curly hair, you will be called a boy when wearing a hat. Trust me, I know.
3. You don’t look like you belong to your father. Out in public, people ask, “Are you ok?” and “Is that strange man (a.k.a. your dad) bothering you?” 
4.  You don’t look like you belong to your mom. After seeing her, the other kids tease you about being adopted or wonder “Is that your babysitter?”
5. Wrinkles…maybe? Most brown-skinned people have thicker skin that wrinkles less. Mixed kids, no matter what their complexion, aren’t guaranteed that anti-wrinkle power.
6. Mixed = Caramel complexion, light eyes or wavy hair (or all of the above). Except we’re not all made that way. Mass disappointment (see bullet 8).
7. Lingering looks that lead to the question, “What are you?” or “Where are you from?” and “But where are your parents from?”
8. Mass exposure to racism. Being racially ambiguous means you’re more likely to hear it all.
9. Disappointing your blind dates. I blame Halle Berry, Lolo Jones, Lenny Kravitz and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for setting the bar too high!  

If these are the biggest problems you face in life, count yourself lucky. Surviving being mixed doesn't have to be hard. Simply hope you aren’t tender-headed while your parents work out their beautician skills. Fight the right battles and try to let everything else roll off your back. Avoid society’s beauty stereotypes and figure out what’s good about you. And, when preparing for a blind date, tell them you’re mixed, you know... like Malcolm Gladwell.

What Not to Say to Biracial Person

I'm not gonna get preachy, but there are a few things one should think twice about before saying them to a mixed a person:
"Mixed babies are so cute." We're not pandas and therefore we're not uniformly adorable. I mean, have you seen Malcolm Gladwell's hair?! (Nothing against MG; his brain makes up for the bad 'fro)
"My cousin married a (insert minority here) and their kids are mixed." This is second only to "I love gay people...my best friend is gay" when it comes to statements that don't prove you're open minded.
"Which parent is which?" Why is this interesting? And what will the children of my friends Natalie and Greg say to this question considering both Natalie and Greg are hapa?
"You aren't really (insert minority here)." Really? What am I? I'd love for you to tell me more about myself.
"People don't know you're (insert minority here)." Yes, they do. How do I know they don't think I'm white? Because you JUST asked me, "What are you?"

You get the idea. If you would be surprised if I said it to you, about you, please don't say it to me (even if you mean it in the nicest way. 

Being Mixed in California Has Made Me Soft

Since moving to California in the fall, no one has asked me what my background/heritage/ethnicity/parental birthplace is. It's been nice and I didn't miss it. Yesterday, my "It's been 160 days since our last questioning" sign was erased and put back to zero.
I was with my boyfriend, his friend and the friend's fiancee. We were having a great day. All of us are people of color and I wasn't thinking anything about it - it's nice to just be comfortable with the people around you. Out of the blue, the fiancee asks me about my background. It felt like someone slammed on the brakes of my good time. Suddenly, I was aware of the fact that I'm obviously different. I went from assuming I was part of the group to feeling like an outsider. And, because it's been so long since somebody asked or I thought about being mixed, I sort of stumbled over my answer. No snappy "What do you think I am?" Just, "Ah, well, um, huh, yeah, that came out of nowhere, uh, yeah."
It turns out she is mixed also - Asian and White. I assumed she was simply Asian, but maybe she is often asked about her heritage and didn't think I would find it disconcerting when she asked.
The upside is that I knew there wasn't anything malicious behind it and so I recovered pretty well. I still like her as much as I like anyone after one meeting (I'm slow to call someone a friend) and look forward to us reveling in the comfort of being four people of color on the town sometime soon.