Last week I went to see "Selma" with a friend who is Black. After the emotional movie ended, he said, "Well, I think we've made some progress since then because I'm dating a White woman and no one has tried to kill me."
This isn't progress compared to 1966. I'm mixed and was born less than a decade after the march to Montgomery. As far as I know, no one tried to kill my dad during his short-lived marriage to my mom.
Decline in violence is a low bar for measuring progress. "No one tried to kill me" should be a given. Interracial couples being a norm shouldn't even be a measuring bar. What other people do with each other is, in the long run, unlikely to truly impact you. So, while some folks like to get heated about gay marriage or their trust-funded daughter running around with "the help," most of us really don't care.
What most people care about, on some level, is money and power. When other people have it and we don't, we get frustrated and sometimes hateful. When we have it, we work to keep it. Historically, this looks like preventing other people from getting it too.
Decades of people of color having an unimpaired path to money and power - in the voting booth, in our neighborhoods, in the work place - was a problem in 1966 and is still a problem today. I'll know we've made progress when all schools are funded so all children have access to a complete education and positive learning environment. I'll believe we've made progress when an election goes by without a single story of voting rights being blocked. We can all quietly enjoy the signs of progress when a Black person accomplishes something great and no one says, "She's the first African American widget inventor."
Being mixed is not big deal. Being in a biracial relationship is even less of a big deal. None of us Shackleton, exploring unknown seas and surviving without support for months.You're just two people doing something about as weird as wearing a shirt inside out.
The big deal, like Really Big Deal, is when any of us, no matter what color we are, actively do something to share our path to money, power, ease and happiness with other people. Tutor, volunteer for voter registration, donate to a worthy (by your estimation) cause, hold the door for someone who looks different from you. Being unafraid of bringing others with you as you rise, that's progress.
Be the Match Mixed People
Almost 20 years ago, I put my name in the National Marrow Donor Program's registry. It was easy - I gave a little blood and my contact info, basically. As I did it, I hoped I'd never need a donor and that I'd never be called to donate. I was afraid of having bone marrow drawn.
But I knew being on the registry is important, so I put my name down and gave the blood. I had the inside scoop on the NMDP because my mom helped start it in the '80s. I watched her travel the world to set up registries in minority communities. She went to Oakland, Calif., and Japan and Europe to engage people in a small, selfless act. Get on the registry, possibly save a life.
Because of her, I know that it's especially important for mixed people to be on the list. We're rare, which means, if we need stem cells (that's what bone marrow is all about - stem cells) we are probably screwed. Here's the science:
If you're mixed, especially a weird mix like Jewish, Native American, Black and White, your chances of finding an HLA-matching stem cell donor are really small. Like, write your will and complete your bucket list small. Because stem cells aren't like blood type, where there are only a few options and lots of donors. It doesn't just take another person with A+ blood. In fact, blood type has nothing to do with it. It's way more complex and much more based in your genetic make up.
Understanding this, kind of, I got on the list and forgot about it.
20 years later, I get an email from Be the Match. I thought it was a hoax. I promptly forwarded the email to my mom and asked her to check it out with her old National Marrow Donor Program people. Two days later, I got a reply. It was real. Not a joke. Someone needed a donation and I might a match.
Holy sh*t.
I don't usually swear online but I'm overwhelmed. As I filled out the official health form, it hit me: Somewhere, a 3-year-old girl with aplastic anemia needs a donor and I might be the one to save her life.
I imagined that little girl's parents. The doctor telling Ms. Washington and Mr. Levine that finding a match for little Unique Levine was going to be tough to impossible. The doc may have already started running through their other options, like having another child in the hopes that one will be healthy and a be a match (odds: 25% for siblings). The parents have been steeling their hearts, maybe holding hands, maybe praying, maybe slowly giving up hope and then... a possible match. Me, a woman ~40 years older than their modern, unusually mixed child and yet of the same background. And, because of so many twists of fate, I'm on the Be the Match list and still use the email I created 20+ years ago.
Today, I don't know if I'll be chosen. There's still tests to be done on my old sample to confirm that I really am a match. I hope the result is yes. I don't want to get bone marrow drawn but I hope I'm a match because being mixed is a gift and, in this case, it's the gift that keeps on giving.
But I knew being on the registry is important, so I put my name down and gave the blood. I had the inside scoop on the NMDP because my mom helped start it in the '80s. I watched her travel the world to set up registries in minority communities. She went to Oakland, Calif., and Japan and Europe to engage people in a small, selfless act. Get on the registry, possibly save a life.
Because of her, I know that it's especially important for mixed people to be on the list. We're rare, which means, if we need stem cells (that's what bone marrow is all about - stem cells) we are probably screwed. Here's the science:
If you're mixed, especially a weird mix like Jewish, Native American, Black and White, your chances of finding an HLA-matching stem cell donor are really small. Like, write your will and complete your bucket list small. Because stem cells aren't like blood type, where there are only a few options and lots of donors. It doesn't just take another person with A+ blood. In fact, blood type has nothing to do with it. It's way more complex and much more based in your genetic make up.
Understanding this, kind of, I got on the list and forgot about it.
20 years later, I get an email from Be the Match. I thought it was a hoax. I promptly forwarded the email to my mom and asked her to check it out with her old National Marrow Donor Program people. Two days later, I got a reply. It was real. Not a joke. Someone needed a donation and I might a match.
Holy sh*t.
I don't usually swear online but I'm overwhelmed. As I filled out the official health form, it hit me: Somewhere, a 3-year-old girl with aplastic anemia needs a donor and I might be the one to save her life.
I imagined that little girl's parents. The doctor telling Ms. Washington and Mr. Levine that finding a match for little Unique Levine was going to be tough to impossible. The doc may have already started running through their other options, like having another child in the hopes that one will be healthy and a be a match (odds: 25% for siblings). The parents have been steeling their hearts, maybe holding hands, maybe praying, maybe slowly giving up hope and then... a possible match. Me, a woman ~40 years older than their modern, unusually mixed child and yet of the same background. And, because of so many twists of fate, I'm on the Be the Match list and still use the email I created 20+ years ago.
Today, I don't know if I'll be chosen. There's still tests to be done on my old sample to confirm that I really am a match. I hope the result is yes. I don't want to get bone marrow drawn but I hope I'm a match because being mixed is a gift and, in this case, it's the gift that keeps on giving.
Relatives Who Don't Look Related
There are lots of odd things about being mixed. They're easy to forget until something weird happens. For example, not looking like my immediate relatives. It's no biggie until someone asks my dad if I'm his girlfriend.
Gross.
The weirdest interactions come when people see me with my brother Nathan. We have different dads and nothing physical in common. At 6+ feet, he looms over me. He has green eyes and wavy brown hair. We don't look like we go together but psychologically, that's my ace! Which means we act like family - the kind that gets along, not the kind that makes everyone else feel awkward. And that means that, if his wife isn't nearby, people think I'm Mrs. Nathan Weinberg.
That wouldn't be so bad if they believed us when we tell them "No, we're brother/sister." But we've actually had people say, "You're joking!"
Who jokes about that? Double gross.
Gross.
The weirdest interactions come when people see me with my brother Nathan. We have different dads and nothing physical in common. At 6+ feet, he looms over me. He has green eyes and wavy brown hair. We don't look like we go together but psychologically, that's my ace! Which means we act like family - the kind that gets along, not the kind that makes everyone else feel awkward. And that means that, if his wife isn't nearby, people think I'm Mrs. Nathan Weinberg.
That wouldn't be so bad if they believed us when we tell them "No, we're brother/sister." But we've actually had people say, "You're joking!"
Who jokes about that? Double gross.
 |
| Me and my brother. We don't look alike but sometimes we dress alike. |
Famous Mixed People
As an athlete (sorta) and a mixed chick, Friday was a pretty exciting for me.
First, thanks to my cousin, I got to spend the day at the USA Track & Field Outdoor Championships. It was a who's who of runners - Alison Felix, Lolo Jones, Sonya Richards Ross, Bernard Lagat, Wallace Spearmon, etc. etc. I'm a former long-distance runner and general geek around athleticism (which is very different from being a woman who tries to date athletes), so it was an overwhelmingly good day.
At the end of it, my cousin introduced me to Dan O'Brien, decathlete and 1996 Olympic gold medalist. Super nice guy, on top of being a super athlete. We took a photo, had a quick chat, and kept it moving. Of course, I posted the photo on Facebook. A friend commented that we look alike, which brought memories crashing back from the lead up to the '92 Olympics and during '96. I had forgotten that, back then, I often wondered if Dan O'Brien is, like me, a mixed kid.
Twenty years ago, there was no Google to easily answer these kinds of questions and so, as the summer games faded, so did my curiosity. But my friend's comment brought it back. After a few minutes on the WWW, I'm happy to add another talented person to my list of famous bi-racial people. Welcome, Dan O'Brien!
First, thanks to my cousin, I got to spend the day at the USA Track & Field Outdoor Championships. It was a who's who of runners - Alison Felix, Lolo Jones, Sonya Richards Ross, Bernard Lagat, Wallace Spearmon, etc. etc. I'm a former long-distance runner and general geek around athleticism (which is very different from being a woman who tries to date athletes), so it was an overwhelmingly good day.
At the end of it, my cousin introduced me to Dan O'Brien, decathlete and 1996 Olympic gold medalist. Super nice guy, on top of being a super athlete. We took a photo, had a quick chat, and kept it moving. Of course, I posted the photo on Facebook. A friend commented that we look alike, which brought memories crashing back from the lead up to the '92 Olympics and during '96. I had forgotten that, back then, I often wondered if Dan O'Brien is, like me, a mixed kid.
Twenty years ago, there was no Google to easily answer these kinds of questions and so, as the summer games faded, so did my curiosity. But my friend's comment brought it back. After a few minutes on the WWW, I'm happy to add another talented person to my list of famous bi-racial people. Welcome, Dan O'Brien!
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| Do Dan and I look related? |
Racial Progress, Measured in Advertising
Thinking about racism, advertising and social media
When I was a kid, my dad used to say, "You'll know we've been accepted when Blacks are in deodorant commercials." If you're younger than 20, that might sound crazy but seriously, Black folks used to be restricted to very limited commercial situations. We ate fast food, we bought American cars, we played sports, we cleaned and did laundry. We never traveled, cleaned ourselves, had sex, ate health food or got to be in the front of a group of people if the other people were White.
Today, Black folks are every where. And yet, my dad and I agree, it doesn't feel like we've completely made it. My new measure for racial equality and triumph over ignorance is when brands can air commercials like Cheerios', showing a mixed family doing regular stuff, and Coca-Cola's Super Bowl ad, showing Americans as multi-cultural, -colorful and -lingual, and nobody says a negative word on Twitter, Facebook or whatever social media channel is popular in that not-too-far-off future.
Money talks. When big brands are spending big cash on all Americans, you know that change is a'comin'.
And, just because I'm lovin' this dude like he's my own son, here's a little glimpse of today's Black teens: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6nLAaVeRjQ
When I was a kid, my dad used to say, "You'll know we've been accepted when Blacks are in deodorant commercials." If you're younger than 20, that might sound crazy but seriously, Black folks used to be restricted to very limited commercial situations. We ate fast food, we bought American cars, we played sports, we cleaned and did laundry. We never traveled, cleaned ourselves, had sex, ate health food or got to be in the front of a group of people if the other people were White.
Today, Black folks are every where. And yet, my dad and I agree, it doesn't feel like we've completely made it. My new measure for racial equality and triumph over ignorance is when brands can air commercials like Cheerios', showing a mixed family doing regular stuff, and Coca-Cola's Super Bowl ad, showing Americans as multi-cultural, -colorful and -lingual, and nobody says a negative word on Twitter, Facebook or whatever social media channel is popular in that not-too-far-off future.
Money talks. When big brands are spending big cash on all Americans, you know that change is a'comin'.
And, just because I'm lovin' this dude like he's my own son, here's a little glimpse of today's Black teens: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6nLAaVeRjQ
Pictures of Mixed Families
Call me a hypocrite but I love looking at mixed people but hate being stared at. Which is why I'm kinda lovin' this site: http://wearethe15percent.com/.
It's gawking at it's best. I get to look at other mixed people and their parents and no one has to feel awkward. In fact, these people shared their photos, so even if they caught me looking, they can't be mad. Win-win!
My only question is the site name. Do mixed families make up 15% of all families in the U.S.? That's bananas! American, ya gotta love it.
It's gawking at it's best. I get to look at other mixed people and their parents and no one has to feel awkward. In fact, these people shared their photos, so even if they caught me looking, they can't be mad. Win-win!
My only question is the site name. Do mixed families make up 15% of all families in the U.S.? That's bananas! American, ya gotta love it.
Challah! at Drake
I forget that Drake is part of so many tribes - Jewish and Black are highlighted in this Bar Mitzvah rap from the Jan 18 Saturday Night Live.
Slow start, but the rap rhyming Lenny Kravitz and Manischewitz cracked me up.
However, it seemed really outmoded of him to divide up his abilities based on his racial background. Like, saying he knows how to play basketball like LeBron AND can fill out a W-2, implying Black folks are less economically functional.
I guess what I'm really saying is, Drake seems too smart for a dumb joke that perpetuates racism and a bias toward mixed people. Up your comedy game, son!
Slow start, but the rap rhyming Lenny Kravitz and Manischewitz cracked me up.
However, it seemed really outmoded of him to divide up his abilities based on his racial background. Like, saying he knows how to play basketball like LeBron AND can fill out a W-2, implying Black folks are less economically functional.
I guess what I'm really saying is, Drake seems too smart for a dumb joke that perpetuates racism and a bias toward mixed people. Up your comedy game, son!
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